long story short

 maybe this is the beginning of great things and i'm so scared but i must keep with this

Grief is a dangerous thing, it appears out of nowhere when you least expect it and you never know when it'll leave.

how can i stop feeling left behind when my friends have other friends? it's so stupid because i know i'm not being changed i'm just insecure i guess those are just champagne problems

 Forgive your mistakes, making mistakes means changing and changing is good.

 Grieving is a funny process, you can be on the road to overcoming it when something small and insignificant triggers the pain. and you can't do anything but lay there and let all the waves wash you away. The waves suddenly go 50 meters tall again and you can barely catch your breath, you think you're gonna drown, you know you won't but the waves are so powerful you think you may not make it. But you do, soaked and shaking and feeling like next time you will not be so lucky but you will, you always do.

 I miss you a lot, dad. These days always remind me of you, It's getting a bit easier thinking about you and looking up things related to you but it still hurts and no amount of freedom gets you clean, I still got you all over me