long story short

 I miss you a lot, dad. These days always remind me of you, It's getting a bit easier thinking about you and looking up things related to you but it still hurts and no amount of freedom gets you clean, I still got you all over me

 Life's been picking up, even if it has stayed the same. I lived and learned, and above all I matured. Things are gonna be fine, everything will be okay even when it doesn't feel like it will, I'm on holy ground.

 i feel stuck, nostalgic and alone. the beginning of the autumn brought all those forgotten memories about things that are here no more people and things that i miss but i won't get back anymore. and even in the middle of the ending of the world as we know it, i was content because things were not unraveling for worse till they did. but even after everything, i am making new memories and trying to find the joy in life again.

 I miss you. I wish you would come back.

If you love someone, set them free and if they come back they're yours. I let this love go and it seems like it's coming back, is it? I can't feel it close enough. I want to feel you completely. Come back to me.

 So yesterday was the first anniversary of my dad's death and I feel dead myself. It's already 14th but 13th Feb feels eternal. Everyone moved on and I'm still living that day last year, unmoved and unchanged. I am still in that room, hearing the sound of my mother's voice crying. I am still there, all the same and still very different from that day.

  And it's hard to be at a party When I feel like an open wound I feel like a badly cut wire, like a very sharp knife people are careful around me  trying not to get hurt I feel like an open wound eternally bleeding unable to stop or heal I wonder where does the blood keep coming from it doesn't stop it keeps coming and coming in the form of salty tears streaming down my face I'm a wire and I will electrify everyone who comes closer so I run away to not hurt others and in the end only end up hurting me.