long story short

how can i stop feeling left behind when my friends have other friends? it's so stupid because i know i'm not being changed i'm just insecure i guess those are just champagne problems

 Forgive your mistakes, making mistakes means changing and changing is good.

 Grieving is a funny process, you can be on the road to overcoming it when something small and insignificant triggers the pain. and you can't do anything but lay there and let all the waves wash you away. The waves suddenly go 50 meters tall again and you can barely catch your breath, you think you're gonna drown, you know you won't but the waves are so powerful you think you may not make it. But you do, soaked and shaking and feeling like next time you will not be so lucky but you will, you always do.

 I miss you a lot, dad. These days always remind me of you, It's getting a bit easier thinking about you and looking up things related to you but it still hurts and no amount of freedom gets you clean, I still got you all over me

 Life's been picking up, even if it has stayed the same. I lived and learned, and above all I matured. Things are gonna be fine, everything will be okay even when it doesn't feel like it will, I'm on holy ground.

 i feel stuck, nostalgic and alone. the beginning of the autumn brought all those forgotten memories about things that are here no more people and things that i miss but i won't get back anymore. and even in the middle of the ending of the world as we know it, i was content because things were not unraveling for worse till they did. but even after everything, i am making new memories and trying to find the joy in life again.

 I miss you. I wish you would come back.